It is often remarked that women are the most complex out of the two sexes. That may be true but I am sure that men are by far the most diverse. There is such a variety in terms of personality, behavior and physical stature. I have had the fortune of being associated with some of the most amazing male specimens in my life.Each of them has enriched my life to a great extent. I am grateful to them for helping me in times of need, showering me with warmth when I felt down and for the wonderful companionship I have felt through their lives.
Most of us would associate love, care and affection with mothers but I have a different story to tell. My mother was largely occupied with my sister during my childhood since we were born only a year apart. She also had a career to cater to making spending time with me very difficult. I associate much of my childhood memories with my father as he filled into her shoes.
My father perfectly balanced his busy, public profile and his large family. He took us to school and kept a watch on us after we were back. He did this in unconventional ways but always with a certain grace. I remember him letting us play under the huge Almond tree after school in the premises of the institution where he taught. His eyes were occasionally peering out of the classroom window to make sure that we were alright. Other times, he took us to the library and gave us magazines to flip through while he worked. I could only admire the pictures in those glossy magazine pages since I didn’t know how to read then. This fascination for magazines, journals and books continues to this day.
He helped me with my homework as I moved into a new school system in the United States. He came to meet the teachers regularly and was active in the Parent Teacher Association. I was always welcome into his cabin in the University where he was a doctoral student. He introduced me to all the latest journals and newspapers in the University library while I was just in school. He made me believe that he needed a shortened newspaper because he didn’t have time to read the newspapers. He wanted me to condense each day’s news from leading newspapers like ‘The New York Times’, ‘The Washington Post’ and ‘The Star Ledger’. I did not realize then that he was opening a window to the world by asking me to read those papers.
Life was not always about work for him. He played badminton and Frisbee with his children while hot barbecue was being prepared for dinner during summers. He took us to the University gym for sports and games. He showed us the beauty of nature during our trips to the University arboreum.
He was also adamant that I spent time away from home during studies. I found it difficult to live alone at first since I missed the presence of my father. As an educationist, he believed that living with peers in a hostel environment would increase self-reliance and boost social skills. After spending about seven years in hostels and other places, I now know that he was absolutely right. I faced a life where I made my own choices, suffered or enjoyed the consequences of my actions, forged life-long friendships and shook off my fear of being on my own.
Throughout my lifetime, I have felt his presence as a guiding force. There is a special place in my heart for this remarkable man who is strong enough to tackle problems with ease but gentle enough to search for solutions. He showed me the power of mental resilience, spirit of humility and the influence of good-will. He is one of the men who have influenced me so much and I am very blessed to have him in my life.
I am amused at the striking resemblance in the voices of my father and my brother. My six-foot, dark & dusky brother looks very different from my father. Yet, I can feel the same traits running through him as well. He is very caring but at the same time very paranoid about all his sisters. My brother is more of a man of action and is quick to react. His giant frame deceives his tender nature. We both worked in the same building in Mumbai but for different companies. He was always so obsessed with my safety especially while commuting to and from work. He is an honest and genuine person and I am very proud of him.
My brother’s one-year old son is the other significant presence in my life. This hyper toddler brings unspeakable joy to the entire family. I enjoyed playing with him and crawling after him. He has a way of looking back to see if anyone is following him before speeding away. I have never seen such fast-paced crawling in all my life. I will always remember his innocent and playful character. He is the crawling wonder in my family.
Likewise, my brother-in-law is also another example of the diversity of male species. He is temperamental but jovial. I am sometimes shocked by his carefree disposition. He is the one who got me accustomed to my new home in Pune. He took me around to all the shopping centres and malls in the city. He accompanied me to the hospital when I went to do my lengthy medical check-up in the absence of my husband. The look of desperation on his face as he waited for me in the hospital lobby for my check-up to be over is imprinted in my memory forever.
I also have many friends who characterize every possible facet of the male psychology. I am in constant touch with my highly intelligent and super 'know-it-all' friend from post-graduate days. I liked conversing with this self-proclaimed ‘geek’ because he is one of the very few people with whom I can discuss any topic without sounding philosophical and profound. I have never seen such a wide array of interests ranging from technology, science, current events, history and sports emerging from a single brain. He reminds me of those men who are achievers in life but believe that they have “miles to go” before they sleep.
During my college years, I have also come across men who valued the old ideals of chivalry or respect for women. I am highly indebted to a friend of mine who supported me through thick and thin. He never forgot to call me whenever I felt lonely or overwhelmed. His voice was a support through the trying periods of my life. He is one of the few people I feel that I have the right to call at any time for help. I have an air of confidence in asking him for a helping hand for I know I won’t be denied.
Throughout life, I have encountered men with unique personalities. I cannot forget the dreamy Piscean who planned celebrations for my achievements even without my knowledge. I came to know of his fondness for me only during the last few months of my four-year tenure in college. It seemed more childish to me but I was surprised to see that he was sincere in his efforts. I even had a friend from Rwanda who shared his culture and experiences with me. Then, there was the elder colleague of mine in graduate school to whom I went to for advice. I have no words to describe the many men who enlightened me with their companionship.
This list will be complete only with the mention of the most important man in my life now. His personality defies all the boundaries that I set for the description of my husband. I find him to be different from my expectations in many ways. However, I believe that he has bettered my imagination.
I expected a quiet and calm partner in my life. I got a warm and boisterous husband. I got a person who stops at nothing to achieve his goals. I asked God for a partner who was content with what he has. Instead, I got a man lurching for the skies.
He is known for his determination and admired for his wit. He conquers my pensive attitudes with loads of energy. He is known for his impatience but he makes time for my wanderings. He spends time in the city centres looking around just because he knows I enjoy it. This impulsive man waits for me outside offices while I attend interviews. He assists me during my hospital visits and helps me with medications. He is everything I dreamed of in a husband but within a very unique mould. We are like two divergent beams filling light in the darkness. We are distinct but pursue a common dream. We are living proof of the old adage “opposites attract”. Out of all the men I have known, he stands out just because he is mine.
Update - May 2009
I have to update this post with a mention of the most special man in my life now. The long wait to bring him into this world was worth every second.
My life has changed dramatically after his birth. He fills my days with smiles, coos and laughter. I feel a sense of pride when I look into his eyes.
I realize that being a parent is a huge responsibility. I am awed by the task of transforming my tiny baby boy into a caring and sensitive young man.
I am sure that both of us will discover and learn much during this challenging journey of life.
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